Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
