I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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