this just has baby written all over it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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