i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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