why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want nice things and good sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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