Sponge bath it is.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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