he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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