Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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