Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please don't give away my fajitas
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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