i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
do herpes really smell.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
