I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
