Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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