I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well you can't waste a boner
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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