I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
