i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
