Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.