Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
