He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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