The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
