When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
