She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
