we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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