youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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