Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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