I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
