Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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