i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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