i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
