And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
