soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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