I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
