Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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