I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would punch a child for taco bell
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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