I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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