Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
