I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
