Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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