I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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