everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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