The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
