The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
