guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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