His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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