You can't motorboat a personality
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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