He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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