im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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