i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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