my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
