Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
