I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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