y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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