Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
