I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
