respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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