your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
