There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
