Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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