and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
