what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
