i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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