ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
