dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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